


Interim

by roxyeisen



Category: The X-Files
Genre: F/M, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-03-28 08:50:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13900536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roxyeisen/pseuds/roxyeisen
Summary: Missing Scenes following Existence, before Nothing Important Happened Today.*I’m not trying to ruin our favorite X-Files scene ever. Existence is still my beautiful go to whenever I’m feeling Mulder and Scully nostalgic. But I do feel a need to be realistic here. I’ve been through childbirth 4 times, so I know what it’s like. Especially the first time when you have no clue what you’re doing. So what exactly went on those few days in Scully's apartment?**Update: Apparently CC thinks nothing of ruining our beautiful go-to moment. Now I can't watch the end of Existence without getting really, really sad.





	Interim

Looking back on the memory, it was like those last minutes of an intense movie. Or the final seconds of a TV series ending. Like all of our resolution and rest had been found. It was a great kiss. A great moment. But I’m still a little confused. And I’ve still got plenty of anxiety I can’t quite name.

I would like to ask him to clarify what he meant, but it seems silly now. The moment has passed. He seems to think his kiss has explained everything. And I don’t want to disappoint him. Make him think I’m not keeping up. He always seems about five steps ahead of me anyway.

He offers to get take out when William starts fussing to be nursed. I want to tell him that I’d like him to stay and offer me emotional support. Nursing still feels like cutting my breasts with sharp knives and it would be nice to have a little sympathy. But I don’t want him to think I’m trying to get attention. I’ll be stoic instead. It’s my way.

By the time he returns I’ve resorted to tears. William is unaffected by my mood and sleeps peacefully in my arms. Mulder lays out the food in the kitchen and then comes to see how I’m doing.

He smiles as he leans on the doorframe. “You two look beautiful.”

Then he notices the tears I’m trying to mop up before he sees. His smile drops and he comes to me, gently taking William out of my arms and setting him in the bassinet. He comes back and kneels in front of me, his hands resting on mine in my lap. “What’s wrong, Scully?”

“Nothing,” I laugh, wiping fresh tears that betray my confidence. “It’s just hormones. It’s normal. I’m fine.”

He shakes his head and refuses to let me move. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that Dana Scully is decidedly NOT fine when she says she’s fine.”

I sigh and take his face between my hands. How could I not? He’s here. He’s here with me, and he’s not leaving. After eight years of partnership, this man is finally going to stay with me instead of going home to his apartment. But will he stay forever? Where do we stand? I need answers.

“That food smells really good. Let’s eat.” I kiss his forehead before he stands up, releasing me. He eyes me as if he knows I’m ignoring a conversation I need to have, but he doesn’t press. He leads me into the kitchen where I find my favorite Italian takeout. Just what I needed. An overload of comfort carbs.

“Ah, Mulder,” I say in appreciation. He pulls out my chair and I sit down rather delicately. I might need an ice pack, but how do I do that and still look attractive at the same time?

“You okay, Scully?” I see the moment it dawns on him that I just went through childbirth. He went to Lamaze with me, so I know he’s got to have some idea of the consequences. 

“Do you need anything?”

“Well, the nurse said to freeze …” I can’t do it. “How about a pillow from the couch?”

“You want me to freeze a pillow from the couch?”

I look at him, but he’s smiling. He goes to get the pillow and helps me stand and sit back down on it. “Whatever you’re supposed to freeze, we’ll take care of it after you get something to eat.”

I nod, but noncommittally.

I eat way more than I usually do. He’s used to me eating like a bird. He usually finishes my meals for me in restaurants. But I’m starving. I have seconds and I’m still not full. I drink two glasses of water.

“Wow.” He watches me in surprise. “You must have had quite a workout.”

I make a face. I manage to get through supper and he suggests a movie. I’m not interested. I would rather talk about what we’re doing. What’s going to happen? Are we going to do this together? Is he going to give it all up and be a dad? Would he marry me? Would we get that house in the country he’s mentioned before? Live a normal life? Is that even possible at this point? I have a dark and unyielding suspicion that it’s not.

He senses I’m not into the movie and says I should rest while William’s sleeping anyway. He sweetly helps me as I stand up and make my way toward the bedroom. 

I fall asleep almost as soon as my head hits the pillow. I think he’s still covering me up as I drift off. When I wake, it’s because William is crying. It’s the pre-fussing. He’s not desperate yet. I can drift off for a few more minutes and get away with it …

Next thing I know, I’m opening my eyes and Mulder is sitting next to me on the bed holding William. He is gently rocking him back and forth and whispering. His pinky finger is in the baby’s mouth, being sucked to oblivion.

“You’ve got quite a grip there, kid,” he says affectionately. “I wonder if you hurt her. Please don’t hurt her, Will. She’s had enough hurt for a lifetime.”

Tears fill my eyes.

“Well, I was going to wait for this talk until you’re older, but considering how bad things are, and you aren’t even a week old yet, I think I better tell you now.” He pauses. Trails a finger down William’s soft cheek. “Son, you are a miracle. I know, I know, lots of parents like to think their kids are miracles. And maybe they are. But you are a true, bona fide miracle. You should not exist. Your mother had her chance for motherhood stolen from her. She did everything she could to give you life, but in the end, we have no idea what set your heart beating. I’m not saying you’re virgin born or anything, no, that part we did take care of, believe it or not, but I can’t explain why it worked. Why you’re here. Some would like to believe you are some sort of alien savior. I don’t think it’s true. I think you’re special though. I think you’re going to be different. I had an alien virus when you were conceived, and I think that somehow passed to you in the form of immunities and powers. Abilities. We’ll see as you get older. We’ll see what happens.”

He’s quiet for a few minutes. He hums as William makes baby noises and raises his fists in the air. He watches Mulder intently.

Mulder’s voice gets even quieter. I strain to hear him. “I know your mom thinks we should talk about the future. I can feel it. And I hate myself for putting her off. Making her guess. I’m not much of a man, am I? I can never seem to find the right words to say to tell her how I feel. I’m not so good with feelings, son.”

He sighs. “I just have this sort of … sixth sense. This big picture deal. Maybe you’ll have that someday, too. And it tells me that no one is going to allow you and me to coexist in the same place. They’re afraid of us, Will. Afraid of you and me together. I might have to go away. I might have to let your mom take care of you on her own for a while. I hate to do that just when I’m in the place to finally settle down. I’d give anything to be her … husband and your dad. I just don’t think it’s possible to protect you at the same time. Because if something happened to you, it would kill her. And I can’t do that to her.” His voice becomes almost imperceptible as he raises his eyes to the sky outside the window.

“Because I love her.”

Tears stream silently down my cheeks. These are the words I’d searched his brain for. The promises I’d prayed he’d make. And it’s all being taken away from us. Again.

I never tell Mulder I heard his confessions to the baby in the middle of the night. And in true Mulder and Scully fashion, we don’t discuss our feelings. We discuss logistics, and safety. We make plans. We act like we’re okay with them. 

And then we just exist. We take care of William together. He makes sure I get rest and start to heal. He brings me food and little gifts. We hold each other in the night. We watch TV and visit with Mom or Skinner or Monica and John when they come by. I finally break down and tell him of my pain and he does everything in his power to make it better. We go to doctor appointments and enjoy playing the role of the doting new parents, even if it’s just for a few days. We take William to be christened.

Then Mulder cleans out his apartment. He packs his bags. 

He kisses William on the cheek while the baby sleeps. He stands there, watching him, for several minutes. He takes the luggage to his car, then returns. We stand in the doorway holding each other for a long time. Minutes tick by, and the silence rushes in my ears as I stifle my sobs until after he’s gone.

_I know you’re going because you love us._ I hope he hears the words I can’t say. _But I want you here._

He seems to know it’s not the time for words. He kisses me tenderly, with his hands on both sides of my face. He takes his time. I kiss him back, hoping he knows my heart. _I love you, too._

“Don’t get upset, Dana,” he says softly before he leaves. “Rest. Breathe deeply. Focus on William. We’ll figure this out. It won’t be forever.” 

I nod. He presses his lips to mine one more time, and then he walks away quickly. I see the shine in his eyes he doesn’t want me to see.

I watch until his form disappears around the corner. Then he is gone, and I am alone.

William begins to cry.


End file.
